Of all the bumps in the road of the journey of life, few are as deep and painful as breaking up with someone you love. And what makes it worse is the length of time spent together. Those little heart roots went deep and became more established with time. So, when you, or he or she, decided to break up, it left an open wound and your heart is aching for them. “What went wrong? Was it me? Was it them?”

Relationships are strange and yet beautiful. But they’re only as strong as the least committed person in the relationship. So, if there is anything to save – if you truly desire to get back together with your ex – there may be a time of soul searching as well as some self improvement on your part.

While it’s tempting to blame the other person when you’re first angry, now isn’t the time to keep account of who did what to whom. In any strong relationship, there needs to be lots of flexibility, lots of patience and plenty of unconditional love.

The thing is, it doesn’t really have to be over with – especially if it was a good relationship that just had a jolt that could be fixed. Whether in a dating or marriage relationship, sometimes there’s a need to step back and maybe gain some perspective. And then getting back together is just a matter of time and patience.

So, if it’s your desire to mend your relationship, then you need to come to terms with what has to be accepted as is and what might need to change in order to make things work. But first let’s see how to approach your ex in order to get back together.

If You Were the Dumper

There are two possible scenarios that could be happening here: you broke up with them or they broke it off with you. Both will have some similarities, but also some different ways to approach a reunion.

If it was you that broke it off, there’s a good chance that he or she might still be interested in getting back together. Perhaps you just needed to get some perspective and now you see how much you miss them. It might be a simple matter of giving them a call or showing up at their place of work at lunchtime to talk it over.

Expect that they may be a bit reluctant to dive right back into things. After all, it was them who was dumped. There are some raw nerves there. You might even need to face the fact that they might have even started up a new relationship. What should you expect if you were the one doing the dumping?

If You Were the One Being Dumped

But if you were the one left out – dumped – it will take some concerted planning and preparation. Your heart will tell you one thing and you’ll have to learn to reason with it. You desperately want them back but they obviously left for a reason. Was it another man or woman? Were they bored or annoyed with you? These are some questions that need to be raised and answered.

While it may be tempting to run after them, stop. You need to think again. Make yourself a desirable target and then appear disinterested. Both men and women like a good “hunt,” so it’s time to see how to make yourself the trophy prize!

Most people understand the meaning of “personal space” in the context of a relationship. If you don’t, it’s the area immediately surrounding your body. If someone gets into our face, we say they’ve “invaded” our personal space.

A failure to understand the importance of personal boundaries in a relationship can cause it to stumble and eventually fail. You’re crossing the boundaries if you don’t respect your partner’s need for privacy or some space in which to relax.

Every relationship has two types of boundaries – physical and emotional. Physical boundaries mean that even though you’re in a relationship, you don’t need to be glued to your partner’s side and do everything together.

It’s important to have some free time when you’re able to do your own thing. Then, when you’re together, you’ll be able to bring new interests and perspectives into the relationship. A lack of respect for physical boundaries is the most common type of boundary issue between couples.

How can you check if that was your relationship’s problem? Well, did you often get aggravated because your partner’s stuff was lying around? Did you fight about one of you using the others possessions without asking? Stepping over the line of physical boundaries is fairly easy to fix, even if your partner has left your life. Give them some space. You do your thing, and let them do theirs.

Violating emotional boundaries is a more serious issue. For example, suppose you and your partner have plans to go out to dinner. After your dinner begins, a friend who’s having a crisis phones your cell, saying he or she needs to see you right now. If you don’t help this friend right away, they don’t know what they’ll do.

So, you leave the restaurant and go to help your friend. Putting your partner’s feelings on the back burner this way is very inconsiderate. Your partner might start feeling that “you always put everyone else ahead of me.”

Your partner might leave the relationship if this keeps happening. If this has happened to you, realize that if you make some changes, you can fix the boundary issues and get your ex back.

Another common way that emotional boundaries are violated occurs when you share private confidences with your friends or family. Eventually your partner will find out, and they can feel betrayed if the confidence was something personal. There are some things that should simply remain private.

You’ll help your relationship grow if you respect your partner’s personal boundaries. Doing so allows you to flourish together instead of growing apart. Talk things over with your ex. Let them know you’ve realized you placed them lower in your priorities than they’re entitled to be. If you’ve hurt your ex by sharing confidences, say you’re sorry and promise you won’t do it again. Ask your ex if he or she is willing to work with you to establish boundaries they feel comfortable with.