These days, a lot of people have a very casual attitude about cheating. Maybe it’s because there’s so much cheating going on. Some people assume that cheating is almost inevitable and believe monogamy just isn’t really the natural state for human relationships. Others want a monogamous relationship, but reluctantly “accept” their partners’ cheating ways. They don’t like the cheating, but they believe they can’t do much to prevent it. It’s usually women who feel this way, because so many believe that “men will be men.” That attitude might have worked before, but now we’re in the 21st century, and things are different.

When it comes to expecting fidelity from their partners, women have the same rights as men. In most social circles, that particular gender-based dividing line no longer exists. And that’s how it should be. Today, “what’s good for the goose is also good for the gander.”

The partners in each individual relationship usually work out their own definition of “cheating.” Some couples don’t allow any flexibility whatsoever. Cheating is prohibited absolutely, with no ifs, ands or buts about it. Other couples, however, establish rules and guidelines that define what constitutes acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

Problems occur when one of the partners breaks one (or more) of the rules they’ve established for their relationship. And one of those problems is, should the “guilty” partner tell the other about his or her cheating? In other words, should the person confess? There’s no single right answer to this question. In every relationship, in each individual situation, there are a number of aspects to consider when it comes to confessing about cheating.

Assume for a moment that you’ve given in to temptation and cheated on your partner. But, you knew right away that cheating was a mistake and you decided never to do it again. Before you confess your indiscretion, take a minute to consider the following:

• Would it be possible for your partner to find out that you cheated?
• Is this your first time cheating, or have you done it before and always resolved to never repeat it?
• Would your partner be emotionally devastated if you confess, even if doing so would make you feel better?

If you’ve never cheated before and you’re ashamed of your behavior, try to identify why it happened. Has your relationship somehow changed? Was there something about the person you cheated with that made you want to go through with it? These are important questions, and you’re the only one who can answer them. You need to understand why you cheated in order to prevent a repeat occurrence.

If confessing would shatter your partner and you’re absolutely determined to not cheat again, keeping your secret to yourself might be the best. Confession might be good for the soul and you might suffer a bit if you decide to remain silent. Remember, though, that confessing could irreparably damage your relationship. The main reason you should confess is if there’s a significant chance that your partner will find out. If that’s the case, the news about your cheating should come from you – not anyone else.